change(s)

The past few days have found me holed away in my childhood bedroom with Louisa May Alcott's Little Women. This is a story I once thought I knew so well. Growing up I would constantly watch an animated VHS, a kind of Little Women introduction. It told the beginning of the story, introduced the main characters and gave one strong moral before ending. I couldn't stop watching it. At 11, the newest movie came out and I was mesmerized in so many ways. But, for some strange reason, although the actual book sat on my shelf from that time on, I never picked it up and read it.

When I came back to my parents house for holiday break last week, I decided it was time. I had waited long enough, hadn't I? Obviously I knew that the book would be different and hold many more details, but I am completely in awe about how much I've missed out on and how my opinions can be altered when presented with all the facts. The past few nights have been the kind where all I want to do is hide under my covers with my book and a flashlight, reading until my eyes can't stay open anymore. And that's exactly what I've been doing (well, minus the flashlight and my under-covers tent; such devices are for children, you see).

Last night I had a vivid dream that I never knew I needed. On display was a chapter of my life that had already ended, but was somehow trickling onto the fresh pages just now being written. I found myself in a confrontation that never had a chance to actually take place. Somehow, even after all this time, it gave me the closure I thought I had before, but didn't. Like the Little Women book vs. the movie, my dream vs. the memory brought forth all the details that are so easily overlooked or left out; ones that can be cut out to abbreviate the story, but that are essential to shedding the most light. And as I woke up, I felt the intense emotions and the racing of my pulse as if it had actually happened. And I sat up, and I smiled.

As Jo leaves her beloved home and Laurie for the big city, she places hard decisions in her wake and ventures out into the unknown, yearning to see what lay beyond. Her choice is controversial, but in the end it is exactly what she needed. Unlike Jo, I remain in the same city. But the thirst for change is there. Perhaps this is merely a temporary stop in my journey, but I shouldn't be so quick to overlook the details, as this stop is sure to prove itself important.