It's hard enough when you decide to cut something out of your life; convincing yourself that it's for the best. But to have your decision thrown right back in your face in the most terrible of ways? That's beyond painful.
I recently spent an unexpected week in Burlington, VT. I suppose once upon a time I had thought about ending my life, but never enough to actually go and do anything about it. They were the teenage years, didn't everybody have those moments? In the end, I never really saw the point. But a friend of mine got to that particular breaking point just last week. And I knew I had to be there for him. Walking into the hospitals lock down psych ward with a fake smile plastered on my face was one of the most difficult things I've ever done.
It was a stressful week in one of the most beautiful of cities. I did what I needed to do, and know that without my presence he could still very well be laying drugged up and motionless in that sad little hospital room.
I was strong when I needed to be. Now I'm back. And I'm a wreck. Receiving numerous e-mails thanking me for what I did has only made things harder.
I just want to curl up and forget any of this ever happened.
I think I just might.
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